They're Coming To Take B Away, Haha!
by Backyard Bottomslash
Summary: B wrote a dying letter to L, which is later found by none other then Naomi Misora. The letter contains a message to L, including a spoof of Dr. Demento's 'Mental Hospital'. B is really sick, and now L really needs to visit Wammy's House.


Two days before Naomi Misora was to return to her work at the FBI she felt rather... Well she felt rather sad. She was only making matters worse for herself by zooming around L.A. on her motorcycle, revisiting the scenes of the first three murders. She couldn't go to the fourth, as the landlord was pretty determined the remove the horrid burn marks...

She found nothing of interest at the homes of Believe Bridesmaid or Quarter Queen, but when she plunged her hand into a pile of stuffed animals at the home of Backyard Bottomslash she gripped- a folded piece of paper. On the front was a red jagged L. It must have been a letter from B to L, copy to the original, that was the only thing it could be.

She covered her mouth with her hand, she knew B, or better as Rue Ryuzaki was twisted and insane... But the contents of this letter... Was just plain messed up.

Stepping outside she pulled out her cell phone, calling the number L had given her most recently, or rather, the last one she used before the case ended.

Two rings and then, "What is it Naomi Misora, the case is over."

"I know L, it's just I was revisiting the scenes of the murders and I found a letter to you from B..."

"I see."

"..." Misora paused. "Well would you like it?"

"Of course, you may scan it and email it to this address: cuppycakepanda at live. com"

Misora was about to ask if he was serious about the email thing (I mean really, cuppycakepanda?) , but let her better judgment take over. "I'll be able to send it to you in about an hour, is that good with you?"

"Yes Misora, thank you again." L hung up.

* * *

Exactly one hour and twenty six seconds later, L received the email from Misora. Sipping his sugar ridden coffee, L opened the email. Biting his thumbnail anxiously he read the following message:

_Dearest L Lawliet,_

_Please don't ask how I know your name, that does not matter now that I am dead. As a parting word to you, I wrote a spoof of the song 'Mental Hospital' by Dr. Demento that fits the emotions you caused me. I hope you find it interesting, or at least temporarily amusing. And if you're wondering why in the song it says I am happy to see Near, well that is another secret Lawli-pop. Another secret I can tell you now that I'm dead.  
_

_Back during those days with lace at the place you so rightfully call Wammy's House, I abused little Neary. Physical abuse, emotional abuse, rape, you name it Lawli-pop! He let me do all this because of another interesting secret: I threatened him that I would kill Mello unless I got my way. You see, Near has had a super gigantic crush on Mello for a very, very long time. I'm surprised Mello hasn't noticed it, but Mello's friend, Matt has. _

_Anyway, here's the song Lawli-pop:_

_Remember when you ran away  
And I got on my knees and begged you  
Not to leave because I'd go berserk?_

_Well!_

_You left me anyhow and then  
The days got worse and worse  
And now you see I've gone  
Completely out of my mind_

_And_

_They're coming to take me away ha ha  
They're coming to take me away ho ho hee hee ha ha  
To the Wammy's House  
Where life is beautiful all the time  
And I'll be happy to see that nice young Near  
In his clean white shirt and  
They're coming to take me away ha ha!_

_You thought it was a joke and so  
You laughed, you laughed  
When I said that losing you would  
Make me flip my lid_

_Right?_

_You know you laughed  
I heard you laugh  
And then you left but  
Now you know I'm utterly mad_

_And_

_They're coming to take me away ha ha  
They're coming to take me away ho ho hee hee ha ha  
To the Wammy's Home  
With flowers and trees and chirping birds  
And genius orphans who sit and smile  
And twiddle their thumbs and toes and  
They're coming to take me away ha ha!!_

_I bought your sweets I cleaned your room  
And this is how you pay me back  
For all my unselfish loving deeds_

_Hah?_

_Well you just wait, they'll find you yet  
And when they do they'll put you in  
The ASPCA you mangy mutt_

_And_

_They're coming to take me away ha ha  
They're coming to take me away ho ho hee hee ha ha  
To the Wammy's House  
Where life is beautiful all the time  
And I'll be happy to see that nice young Near  
In his clean white shirt and  
They're coming to take me away ha ha!_

_To the Wammy's Home  
With flowers and trees and chirping birds  
And genius orphans who sit and smile  
And twiddle their thumbs and toes and  
They're coming to take me away ha ha!!_

_To the Wammy's House  
Where life is beautiful all the time  
And I'll be happy to see that nice young Near  
In his clean white shirt and  
They're coming to take me away ha ha!  
_

* * *

_Love eternally even though I'm dead,  
Beyond Birthday, no longer Backup  
_

* * *

_  
_L's eyes widened as he gulped some more coffee. He sure would have a lot to talk about with Mello and Near now that Misora had found this letter.... Plus it was slightly unnerving that B talked as if he was dead... When he wasn't... He believed in himself a whole lot...  
How to thank Misora...


End file.
